I remember 2020, was a tough year for us - I had lost my long-term connection with WH, pandemic hits, my mom dialysis become more toxic as there were a lot of requirements. Juggling everything in between - being a mom, provider, a wife, a daughter & a referee - my mental health was not in good shape. But I survived, we survived that year with flying colors pa nga. 

And when 2021 is approaching, I actually had high hopes for this year before it even start - I thought it was the year of healing - finances, health, relationship, etc - for every one of us. But I was wrong, looking back by month per month experience now, I can say that it totally crushed me more than what I experienced last 2020. 

• January - Chloe was bitten by Dog, went to PCGH for an emergency shot
• February - Arm Surgery ni Mama 
• March - Dialysis Needs
• April - Swab Test @ NAS (+) daw, had to retake 2 times for Negative confirmation) & My abnormal bleeding start (not normal as it is a 2-weeks period)
• May - Emergency D&C because of heavy bleeding (when I say heavy bleeding, as in buo buong dugo ang lumalabas sa akin.)

• June/July - Entire family had flu, swab requirements for dialysis to make sure Mama is not positive in Covid
• August - Vaccine 1st dose / Mama's Sudden Death

• September - 40th Day / My 1st birthday experience without her. 
• October - Mama's 1st bday in Heaven
• November 22 - Tragic Death of May (My loving grandmother)
• December - UNKNOWN (God please write a good one)

"FAITH"

Mama & May,

A big why is in my mind right now.

I am not really sure why these things happen this 2021?!! the plans God is showing - I can't comprehend, really can't comprehend and understand. Are you - two- really that tired of all the battle you have here on Earth? 

To Mama, unti unti na kong nagmove forward Ma, unti unti ko ng natatanggap ung nangyari... pero having May join you agad agad, bakit ganun? binibigla niyo ko masyado. 

You, two are the precious people in my life. Your love for me, wala ng ibang gagawa nun eh. it's too deep, the wound. God, Bakit? I am totally crushed. How to move forward now? sabi mo God, you have plans for me, beautiful plans for my life and my future pero di ko maintindihan bakit nangyayari to. 

2021 you are so traumatic.

Brace yourself medyo mahaba.

We had our routine last March 10, 2019, visited a pilgrimage site at Laguna just to unwind and sort of reflect and destress from everyday busyness of life. But when we're heading back home, we got into a not-so nice motor experience. Good thing rescue was fast, napalibutan ako ng mga tao agad dun,  I was rushed into Laguna's hospital. When all the procedures were done, the doctor from laguna said once lumuwas na kame sa manila eh pacheck kame agad sa ortho, ortho na daw ung magsabi if pasurgery or what. Then we had our checkup, 1st ospital pinoint out kame sa Philippine orthopedic kasi wala silang water and yung waste management facility nila umapaw which hindi nagpafunction ung ER nila. Then pumunta  kame sa 2nd hospital, nagpasched sa ortho. He is an ortho surgeon, chineck ang xray and then sabi I need a surgery lalagyan daw ng bakal, shookt ako... Umuwi kameng troubled ang heart ko, naiyak na ko ganyan dumaan kame sa malapit na simbahan, medyo naquestion ko si God but at the end of the day, just cried out to Him and surrender everything according to His will. Then this tues we went to another hospital, hindi kame naaccommodate, this is not an ER case na daw kasi ilang araw na daw ang nakalipas, sa opd na daw kame magpacheck though pinakita namen ung xray ko. Then out of nowhere may mga tao ulit pointing us to POC even tnvs drivers sharing their experiences. For those days na nagdaan, wala akong tulog na maayos. Parang every hour nagigising ako and cant even eat normally. Iniisip ko kasi ano mangyayari sa mga susunod na araw.

Then we decided to go there earlier ng March 13 sa POC, mga 3am or 4am ata kame umalis. Naentertain kame agad though nagising sila sa pagkakaidlip, hindi sila masungit, new set of xray ulit, though nakita nila ung first xray ko sabi ng dr na tumingin tsk tsk tsk.. sobrang ipinaubaya ko na lang kay God kung ano mangyari. I also utter before pa kame makarating sa POC na hoping that all people na makakausap namen will have a big heart and be accommodating and Siya na bahala kung ano man mangyari. Then had the new xray. The doctor who read my new xray (ortho surgeon sya dun) told me no need for surgery or cast or anything. Inulit ko ung tanong ko, tas pinakita niya ung bagong xray, sabi niya "it will heal in time." Those words makes my heart jump high dahil sa tuwa. All I said to them is thank you to everyone with a big smile from my face. It's like nabunutan ako ng pagkarami raming tinik sa katawan.

So what's the point of posting this? Just sharing a big miracle in my life. This help me realize lots of things, and test my faith and my relationships. Salamat sa pamilya ko, sa partner ko at sa mga kaibigan kong naglift ng spirit ko pati sa mga taong nakilala namen along the way and sa work ko. And my greatest Thank you to our Almighty God for giving this early lenten gift.

Kaya ikaw, kapit lang, wag ka mawawalan ng pagasa. Those challenges we are facing are just way of God calling our attention to seek Him and trust Him. Remember it is good to slow down today in our world of full of rush and busyness. Waking up is already a miracle from Him. So remember to make time to Seek Him, Talk to Him, Listen and Reflect.

Have a blessed night to you!

• From Starmall Van Terminal / Jeepney Terminal in Shaw Boulevard or Araneta Center, Cubao, you can ride a jeep or van going to Tanay, Rizal. 
• Get down at the junction or the Tanay Public Market in Sampaloc. Travel time is about 2-3 hours depending on traffic.
• Hire a tricycle going to the Wind Farm. Rates are negotiable. It’s better if you’re in a group so you can split the costs.

• Drive along the Manila East Road to Tanay. 
• At the fork in the road, turn left to the road leading to Real, Quezon. 
• Villa Lorenzo Resort is the sign that you are already near at the windmill. 
• Drive up the hill, and check the entrance to the wind farm on your left.